Have you ever dealt with something that eats at you? The kind of thing that is hard to get past—to “let go of”? I suspect I’m not the only one who experiences this. You would think I would get past it. After all, I’ve been working with difficult situations (and people) for over 40 years.
But I’m not past it.
I suppose each of us has this reaction to different things. The things that bother you might not be a big deal to me, and vice versa. I find the thing that is hardest for me to deal with is the balance of truth and love.
Paul tells us in his letter to the Christians in Ephesus that we should have a lifestyle of truth and love. Literally, “Truthing in Love”. He tells us that instead of being immature and subject to the influence of others, we should live “truthing in love”. In other words, by committing to a lifestyle of truth guided by doing what is best for the other (the definition of “agape”, the word Paul uses that is translated “love”), we avoid falling prey to the influence of others that would harm us or lure us away from the Lord.
So what?
As a minister and a counselor, I often find myself torn. I see many people who are hurting. And people who are hurting have a tendency to hurt others. In most of these situations it is pretty obvious what is happening, and yet others are reluctant to talk to these hurting people—to state the obvious and try to help them find ways of dealing with their pain without hurting themselves or others more. The reason is simple. Hurting people hurt others—especially when people say things to them they don’t want to hear.
But they need to hear. It is best for them to hear. That means it is loving to tell them. Carefully, tactfully, with as much sensitivity as possible. But they need to hear the truth. So, we (let’s be real—for me the problem is “I”) need to tell them.
It is easier not to. I can say I am minding my own business. I can say they won’t listen. I can say if I tell them this, they’ll get angry and react negatively.
But love demands I tell them the truth.
So, I let it eat at me because I don’t want to experience what often comes when I tell them the truth. I usually do what is right—I speak the truth and I try to do it in love. But that doesn’t make the “eating at my gut” go away. I wait for the effect of what I have said, and sometimes I bear the anger, the attacks and the rest of the negative reactions. And sometimes I get hurt.
Doing what is right isn’t always easy. That’s why it eats at me. But it is still right. I don’t get to choose between “truth” and “love”—and I don’t get to say I’ll “truth in love” only when it is safe.
So I let it eat at me.
I have a choice. I can do what is right and take the consequences to the King and say “I need help with this!”. Or I can let it eat me.
I’m still working on that:-).
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